TCK’s
Following on from my sisters blog a few days ago about TCK’s I have a few more thoughts.
First, let me define a TCK or Third Culture Kid:
A Third culture Kid is someone who’s parents are from one culture (America) and you live in another culture (UK) so therefore create your own culture - a blend of the two - a third culture.
Now, let me rant for a while and excuse me for it, but I need to vent.
Here are some things you should never say to a TCK when they re-enter their parents culture:
1) Welcome "Back Home"
2) Welcome "Back"
3) Welcome "Home"
OR
1) Are you glad to be "Home"
2) Are you glad to be "Back"
3) Are you excited to be "Back Home"
The answer I have been dying to give is simple. NO. This is not home and I am not BACK HOME, I have never lived here before in my life.
The one thing you can guarentee about a TCK and the one thing that no-one other than a TCK can understand is a TCK never feels at HOME anywhere. I realised this again today, when my 16 year old brother who has been back in America for 6 or 7 years now, told me that he still is referred to as the English kid at school.
Or, when my 25 year old brother who has lived in California for the last 5 or 6 years told me, I am not FROM California, I just LIVED there.
In three weeks of being in America, today for the first time, someone asked if we (Evan and I) were ready to be back in England. I wanted to kiss the man…and I had never met him before. Of course I want to be back in England (and I want to be here). Both places are home and both places are where I am from, but I have spent a great deal more time in England than in America, so to assume that in 3 simple weeks, I would be feeling "at home" that is just not going to happen. I expect in three years, I still won’t feel like this is home.
My home, I must say, is where Evan and I live together. Because I never feel quite as at home as I do when Evan and I are most comfortable and I know without a doubt that for the rest of my life that will be the one thing that remains consistent.
Catching up on my Monday morning blogs and now I am sat here in tears. Love you!
Comment by Angela — 21 July 2008 @ 7:37 am
i would like to add that i live in Texas, but i am not, nor will i ever be, a Texan. we have had several people try to tell us that we are Texans. not going to happen, my friend.
what are some suggestions of things to say to a TCK who has recently moved? just curious.
Comment by alley — 21 July 2008 @ 3:51 pm
i know i have only been here in england for 7 years, and andy for 10ish years, its still home but we also still refer to our respective homes as well. so i am going home in 2 weeks to the states and we were just at andys home in belfast a few weeks back! we have 3 wonderful homes! and as my mom says, home is where your mom is =)
Comment by janelle — 21 July 2008 @ 7:06 pm
So you phrase it more like, “So, how are you feeling about living in America now?” or “Do you miss England?”
Just don’t assume that we feel like America is the only place worth living in the world…or that, because an adult TCK has moved to America it is because they were desperate to “come back”. Usually there are far more circumstances behind the decision to move.
Comment by autumninengland — 22 July 2008 @ 4:48 am
or how about “How are you adjusting to living in Indiana?”.
All part of the adjustment you go though when moving cross culturally…
Comment by Angela — 22 July 2008 @ 10:25 am
i love you.
Comment by grete — 23 July 2008 @ 8:09 pm